I'm 39 today.

I wake at 6, cause that's when the alarm goes off.

I lay in bed and try not to think about the fact that I do not hear "Good Morning, Sweetie." any more.

I usually use about 4 to 6 tissues before the mornings pep talk of;

"Pull up your boot straps, Girl! You have it easy compared to some!".

I make my protein shake, because nothing good comes of skipping it. 

I take a walk.

I drink some water.

I shower.

I fix my hair.

I put in my contacts.

I make an "effort" where an effort was not made before; "you never know who you might run into today" the hopeless romantic in me whispers. 

I make the kids their breakfast, ignoring the fact that cereal sounds as bad for them as the vats of chocolate I used to consume.

I start a load of laundry.

I clean up after breakfast.

I argue with myself over soda or green tea.

Green tea means I go straight to work, soda means I leave the house and buy one, then run an errand, then since I'm out, I run a few more, I spend money I do not have to get things done.

Work is emails until I can't think of any more words,

or the work bench where time loses its meaning.... my favorite of days.

I put off shipping until it absolutely has to be done, it requires so much concentration and time to get it done without mistakes, I dread it.

I fix the kiddos lunch, we sit together and talk.

 I make them laugh.

 I explain things and we make plans, some take money we don't have so we make other plans that do not require money.

They run from the table with kisses and

"I love you, Mom!"

I go back to work.

Photographing. Editing. Measuring & counting. Listing. More emails. Ugh. Math.

(Anything that requires math, I procrastinate on since Mike is gone.)

I work until Dinner.

Dinner is heat & assemble, I can't focus and I burn simple dishes so I use pre-made foods a lot.

It is a shame to the handmade movement.

The kids eat while I clean up the kitchen and graze without committing to a meal.

I tell the kids what is expected of them chore wise, how they can help keep the house, what we are doing tomorrow. I ask what they are playing, what game they are challenged by, what creative project they have cooked up in their fascinating brains. 

I gather materials that make it easier on them or I read project instructions or I try to explain concepts I really do not have a clue on.

I spend my evenings with Pinky mostly. She has the most needs right now.

She needs touching, reassurances, consistency and eye to eye attention. 

She needs to know I will not leave.

The evenings pass with various activities, I try not to work, even though it is always waiting for me.

I stay busy. 

I try to call people.

I check my match.com account and sign off without responding to a single advance.

I do not have the energy to listen to more heart break and that is all there is available at our age.

I spend but a moment pining for the passion of youth, when it was inconceivable to be unwanted.

I pour a drink and put on music, this gets me to the point where I just start moving.

I follow exercise routines I memorized from wii fit or youtube videos.

More music, colored lights that glow in the dark and lots of naturalistic sleep aids.

I smother love that wells up inside me and I pray.

I wait for sleep and I hope for a more joyful tomorrow.

Because everyone tells me it just takes time.

Wow, that 39 year old woman has rockin jewelry.
Happy Birthday, Serious Girl.
Maybe someone will give you a sense of humor for your birthday!!!