Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Entitled

What does that word mean to you?
What do you deserve? What do you expect from other people?
My friend Christine was counseling me about some criticism I had received on a site I recently posted my Color Drenched Metal tutorial on and she brought this word up; entitled.
It was so right on perfect for what these people expected from me and it has shown itself in a few other circumstances that I was dealing with at the same time.

Then it showed up in one of Danielle LaPorte's posts and further confirmed my new recognition of "entitlement".
She said it best with these words here;
".....people with entitlement issues are goddamn irritating. They want more than they're willing to give upfront. They operate in a fog of hunger and conflicting intentions. Entitled types are frantic below the surface because they don't trust that they can feed themselves. What they need is a long hug and then to be sent off for some solo time, without credit cards."

Why this is relevant to me is because people who are criticizing me and my work are feeling entitled. Even though they could take the time, put in the money and feel the freedom to experiment and make mistakes as I did, they could learn about patinas all by themselves. They do not need me, they do not need my learning experience, they do not need my products. They can go and do what I did over the last 2 years and never even have to think about me.
So why are they up in my face, making demands on my time, stating they think the tutorial should be free or that they can't justify the cost of learning, they just want to buy the patinas and know how they work? Because they feel entitled. They do not want to put in the time and the work and the wasted materials, here someone has already done that and they just want it. They do not want to hear NO and they react irrationally when NO is given, however politely re-worded. 

I need to learn how to enamel. I am waiting patiently for Barbara Lewis's book to come out so I can own a copy of her work experience and learn from her, referring back to it when I hit a problem or encounter something not working. I will gladly pay Barbara for this and I do not expect her to answer 8 different emails or conversations on how to use the enamels she sells.
Or Kerin Gale's book on resin clay. I need to know what she knows in order to bring to fruition ideas I have for this product I have not used. She has used it, and she is releasing a book on how I can use it. I will happily pay for whatever form she releases this information in; video workshops, the book or online tutorials because she is saving me the time, the money and the mistakes I would make learning this on my own.
Do you see my point? You either go and do it yourself or you PAY someone else to do it for you.

One customer left inaccurate feedback stating that you have to buy my patinas in order to achieve the results you see in the tutorial. This is completely false. I not only share the manufacturer of the patinas, but I tell you how to mix them and layer them to create YOUR OWN. The patinas I offer are a convenience, you can acquire all the colors of the rainbow for $80 whereas at other distributors you would need to purchase over $200 to get all the colors.  If you want to do that, go and do that. In fact several of my friends and tutorial customers have bypassed me to purchase larger amounts they know they will use in their personal work. They know they can do this because they read the tutorial, they read the whole thing, not just parts, but the whole thing. I am excited for them to take this as far as they want to go and I appreciate them sharing my name as someone who inspired them. 
Another customer is angry I have not shared my chain technique. I kept this out of the tutorial for several reasons, the most important being I cannot type out instructions on the chain process in a way that you will achieve the same results as I have. How I do my patina-ted chain needs to be demonstrated. You can figure it out on your own but it will result in some trial and error and as you will see chain, even in base metal form, is not cheap.
I worked hard to to evenly apply the heat application patinas to long lengths of chain so the patina is thoroughly coated among each link. I wasted tons of footage trying to find out how to not gunk up the chain with lacquer and keep the chain fluid. It is not a written word technique.
I am offering workshops in 2011 for the chain technique, they will be pricey in comparison to the tutorial because that is the price I need to be paid in order to fully share how to patina and seal chains professionally.

I wish I was well off and could experiment at whim, share what I have learned without needing to make my money back. Life would be so awesome and everyone would love me and instead of negative feedback, I would get hugs and smiley faces.
But that is not my life, I cannot afford to put this much time into something and then spend even more time giving it away for free. I cannot answer individual emails and convos worded like this;
"How to use?" for an $8 bottle of patina. 
That is what the tutorial is for, so I do not have to spend hours of each day explaining extensive techniques and giving people safety tips.
While I am sorry if you do not understand this, it doesn't change that fact that you are NOT owed this.
You are not entitled to my time or my knowledge. It is my own to do with as I see fit. 
I have several people who will vouch for me that I am very generous with my time and knowledge to those who treat me respectfully.

The irony here is that I am preaching to the choir. No one who has taken the time to read my blog is going to question my dedication and motives, it the people who make judgments without learning all the facts who are the ones that need to be explained all of this.
That's alright, at least you guys listened. 
You totally rock for that.

An addition;
Please do not think for one second I am not happy to help answer questions to help you get patinas right. I love talking about it, these few instances were just really disrespectful people and I could no longer do business with them.
 

46 comments:

  1. i am so sorry you have that all bottled up inside of you... i hope it is purged... just like with children, politely say 'no' and stick to it... sadly it seems that adults are no easier than kids...
    you have put lots of time and effort into this - and your tutorial... i for one am very grateful to have been able to have benefited from your knowledge... it has changed the face of my work...
    hang in, shannon... don't give away your energy to black holes...

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  2. i am so sorry you have that all bottled up inside of you... i hope it is purged... just like with children, politely say 'no' and stick to it... sadly it seems that adults are no easier than kids...
    you have put lots of time and effort into this - and your tutorial... i for one am very grateful to have been able to have benefited from your knowledge... it has changed the face of my work...
    hang in, shannon... don't give away your energy to black holes...

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  3. i don't know where to begin for a comment..so many things are charging around in my head.
    You are absolutely right.
    the tutorial gives info..so buy it and get busy aquainting yourself with the materials and techniques and if at first it doesn't work well ,so what..not much really does on the first try, or second or tenth..
    i rather think most people are clueless of the extreme efforts and time involved in creating anything..it appears too often people in general have no understanding of the experimentation and frustrations involved to finally get something one is proud of.
    they assume they can do it just as well with no sweat equity.
    it doesn't happen that way.
    and here i venture into shaky territory..
    i was very surprise that you did the on going color drenched facebook info..i wouldn't have. i would do workshops for more advanced techniques for addition fees..you're givin' too much.
    a tutorial is not about making a person proficient in a disipline..but rather getting someone started on a path to learn more.
    well that's a book..i'm not usually so wordy..greedy folks burn my britches.

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  4. AMEN sister. Unfortunately, this is how much of modern America rolls--no clue what work or real achievement is, and the concept of merit has gone out of the national psyche. People believe they are owed it simply because they WANT it. No one should give in to their tantrums and infantile demands. Bravo to you for standing your ground. Your expertise has immense value, and I'm glad you've made it available! It's worth every penny.

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  5. I have a few choice words for those folks, but I am a lady and shall refrain.
    Don't let them bother you, you are a smart talented girl with a a successful career. Your talents are not free,you worked hard to achieve what you have, put in the time, money and frustrations. You are extremely generous to offer your hardwork to others, at a very inexpensive fee may I say.
    Flap your wings girl!

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  6. Entitled is an interesting word. It's a little bit ugly.

    In the case of your tut I am grateful. Grateful because I stumbled across it. Grateful that you took the time to write it. Grateful that it rocks with lots of information.

    I was looking at a local supplier last night and their patinas had no descriptions or how to info what so ever, no examples of what their products looked like when used. I was grateful I had your tut beside me so I had some understand about patinas. In the end, I decided to order your products because you've given so much information in the tut. I'm eagerly waiting for their arrival and can't wait to start exploring & I'm ready to make my own stuff ups & to experiment.

    To those who are complaining, I'm sure you'll have over triple that number who are silently grateful.

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  7. I hate when people say I know how you feel so I am sorry to say it now. I am a nail technician and I have trained with the top nail technicians in the world. I decided to teach nails. I figured with my education and 10 yr real life experience people would be thrilled to train with me.
    They were, but for free. They would come to my classes and complain about the cost of the class, cost of the supplies, can't they use stuff from Sally's? I even had a woman I was doing a demo nail on say "aren't you going to do the rest of that nails? I didn't come here is only have a few done."Um, no and didn't you come here to learn?!
    I gave up teaching nails, it killed me to hear the criticism and I was being made fun of by other techs in the area.
    I hope you don't let these people get you down. You are very generous with your time and knowledge. People are entitled these days, I have had over $300 in makeup stolen out of my salon in the last 2 years and another $100 in damaged goods.I think the only way to deal with these people is to keep being the successful, kind, giving person you know you are.
    Have you thought of offering a listing for a choice of patina or 2 and tutorial package? or something like that.
    I hope you have a great Thanksgiving and a big Thank You to you and Mike. I got my package and have already been experimenting!!!
    Shannon C

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  8. Great post - seriously :-) incredibly well said!

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  9. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with "entitled" people. I guess we all do in some way. But you have so generously offered your tutorials at a price that is more than fair and do not deserve this. Like you said, "entitled" people won't read this. But your friends will and we care. Thanks!

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  10. There are vexatious spirits in this world with hungry sucking maws, created no doubt by the 'me' and the 'now' attitude that has been created in both our societies.
    Reflect the negative energy back at them by covering yourself with magical mirrors.
    On a more practical note,a line in your Etsy shop for patinas could include - 'all information for using this patina is included in the tutorial'
    Don't let the bastards grind you down!

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  11. Hi Shannon well when I first saw you speak of the Tutorial and patinas I thought Wowwww. Then I went to your Etsy and I for one was very ok extremely Surprised you were selling the Tutorial so cheap! What you have done anyone can see has been quite time consuming and much trial and error. Common sense would tell any one that. Anyone who buys your Tutorial is getting some kind of generous and wonderful price is my Opinion! I know a very talented Lampworker who has sold many a one certain Tutorial for $100 each and sold many! For anyone to even think about complaining is just ignorantly selfish. Thats a hit the nail on the head statement the word Entitlement. It Blows me away how many people are today. Ok alot arent but the ones who are..selfish takers. I can understand how you feel and I am with you 100% on this. Again I can ONLY imagine the time, money, failings, experimenting you have done to find the supreme Success you now have. You are very talented and I Applaud you!

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  12. You said this so well! Good for you!

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  13. I bought your Color Drenched Metal Tutorial. After I read the tutorial, I decided to give it a try and ordered a few bottles of the patina solution. I just received them today. I tried peacock blue and violet within the hour I opened the package. It is fun. Thank you for sharing your knowledge. As for the directions to use the patina solution, I would rather pay for this one time tutorial than you factor the cost in each bottle I purchase. I hope you are feeling better.

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  14. People have been growing up in a world that promises them instant gratification. The world doesn't give instant gratification, but advertising most often promises it. You are not responsible for the irrational demands these people have. Making jewelry or components with special techniques takes time, work, dedication and money. If someone is not ready to invest all of that, they should just buy finished jewelry. That is instant gratification.
    You are an incredibly creative person, I admire the dedication and work you put into doing what you do. Don't let stuff like this rock your boat.

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  15. You have thousand upon thousands of positive feedbacks and you're wasting your time worrying about a couple of loser idiots? Bah! I understand how indignant you are by the unfairness of a 100% record being ruined but people are people. You put yourself out there and some enjoy shooting down someone they envy. DON'T let it put you off doing more tutorials.

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  16. Unfortunately there will always be people like the ones you described - they are a pain in the a**. I bought your tutorial and think it is great and worth the money - happy camper here. Hopefully you'll continue to share your experiences with us!

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  17. Very well said girl!! Makes total sense to me!

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  18. Dear Shannon,
    What can you say, some people just don't have any manners at all. And that word "entitled" suits them very well. They simply lack the overall ability and understanding of both social and professional interacting. They don't understand to appreciate all your achieved knowledge and the fact that you have put many hours on learning. I personally find you extremely generous to share all of it in your tutorial. You could as well not have shared the techniques with anyone at all. Kept them secret. They are idiots frankly speaking. You are awasome, and you know it. Unfortunately when you become more visible in the public eye there are some people who don't understand how much work there is behind. Simply because they would never ever go through it themselves. Yes they think they are entitled to everything without putting any effort in at all.

    You are so great! I respect you over the moon!

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  19. I read it all and couldn't agree more. You rock!

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  20. thanks for the part about preaching to the choir :)
    I really enjoy your posts they are always so well thought out. Your patina work is really unlike other things that I have seen and that is exactly why I have such an appreciation for it. Of course you are justified asking for a small sum in exchange for a tutorial that you put time into creating in the same way that teachers are paid (Not to mention private tutors).

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  21. Well said!! YOU ROCK! Keep up the fantastic work and don't let them get you down!!!

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  22. Unfortunately some people do not understand that you buy the tool and not the mastery of it! If it were only that easy....
    Sometimes the truth is hard for people to hear, but it's important to go on saying it! Good for you...

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  23. I've had this experience, too! (neg feedback about an item arriving broken- the item was already "broken" in the pictures, it was part of the design. but i got bad feedback on all of this person's orders, and now i'm stuck with it. oh well.)
    in your specific case, the worst is that if they took a minute to google it or look through forums ... or not, just slap some on and heat it or dont. I mean, its not quantum physics.
    my way of looking at it when i came upon my mean customer was that it shows you've made it big. As your reknown grows, you interact w/mpore and more people, eventually one will have to be an asshole, just statistically speaking.
    so, yay! you've made it big!
    and you rock. so just f*ck em.

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  24. Sorry to hear about the negative feedback, it's the same old, same old! They feel entitled for sure, and as my mother used to say, "showing their ignorance"!! I know you'll have many listening and empathetic ears on this subject. I personally am listening and vouching for your generosity and professionalism. You, Shannon, are EnTiTLed to appreciation and respect for all that you do! Just keep moving ahead and let all that flack float off into the universe and disintegrate!

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  25. My only complaint is that you cannot buy one bottle and get the BASIC USE directions from you. Seems like you would want success for your customer, even if she only can afford one bottle and not the book. Or, maybe it is a sample order to test, and get all of the colors if the one is liked. Make sense?

    Sine your book is posted free on the net, I was able to read it. You call these patinas but aren't they really paints or stains that need to be sealed on, otherwise they won't stay? To me that is paint not patina. Not sure...please explain.

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    Replies
    1. Basic use instructions; Put the patina on metal. Mess with it until you like what it looks like and it is safe for people to wear on their bodies.

      If you can't afford learning first, you shouldn't be investing in the materials.

      Delete
  26. Your letter to your customers after purchase, says ASK ME ANYTHING!!! OMG! You sooooooo don't mean it!!!!

    I think you are a mainline bitch and the karma boomerang is gonna hit you in the ass, if it hasn't already.

    You act so entitled. Seriously. Your nasty comments about your customers SAY IT ALL. YOU ARE NASTY, NASTY, NASTY!

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    1. You need to quote people exactly if you are going to be twisting the context of their words and throwing it back in their face inaccurately.

      Customers can ask any thing they like, they will still be referred to the tutorial if they need that much instruction.

      Yes, there is no sideline bitch here, I am mainline all the way. Not sure how my karma is off by offering product and instruction, but your name calling, insults, stalking and harassment will effect your own. At least I have respectful graciousness in my posted words.

      Delete
  27. LOL! You believe all that?

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  28. Let me reiterate; Go figure it out for yourselves. You do not need to have anything to do with me or my tutorial or my products.

    So why are you here?

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  29. Replies
    1. Do you have the medical training to diagnose this accurately or is it just an insult that proves my whole point?

      Delete
  30. Oh sweetie, I'm sorry you are going through this. There's always a handful of people who feel it is their right to throw a wet blanket on everything by being diffucult.

    We know how much work you put into this tutorial, and appreciate your efforts to share what you learned through countless hours of trial and error. I can't imagine why other should feel so 'entitled' as to get this for free. How dare they be so self-serving!

    I know it would be difficult, but try to focus on the wonderful community you've built, and the great feedback you receive.

    Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, sweetie!

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  31. Shannon, you are so very generous to share your years of experience and experimenting for such a minimal (read: tiny!) fee. I'm sorry people feel entitled to more than they deserve. I'm sorry that said people have left a sour taste in your mouth. Rise above them, and know that you ARE valued and appreciated.

    Hugs coming your way!

    Belinda
    -xo-

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  32. I have also purchased your tutorial. I also have played around with patina on copper and brass for a year or so on my own. Some things I tried were successful and some not so much. That is exactly why I appreciate your time and experience so much. Please do not pay any attention to the idiots that have not paid any dues to understand why your product is so valuable. I have read your tut completely. Some things I knew but didn't understand why. It was well worth my time and money. I will be purchasing your products also. Thanks again. Cheryl

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  33. Wow, you don't have to put up with this garbage. You offered your expertise and product at a very fair price and created a FB discussion forum. What more could anyone want? Shameful behavior on their part.
    Your sun will continue to rise and shine bright, eclipsing the naysayers.

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  34. Well Im going to say MY last piece on this. And this is to the NASTY people who wrote the hurtful comments..This tutorial was cheap and should of been ATLEAST $60. Thats right! Secrets and hard work. And for these unappreciative people. How Luckey Shannon has sold this at this price. As Nan said earlier..I wouldnt have! Nasty~ness is Wickedness from the bowels of the earth! Shannon you go on and shine Woman! xox

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  35. So sorry ! Some people are just awful - really awful. You need to block them out and leave them behind. Remind yourself of all the great people you've dealt with. These sorts always seem to come around when we are at our lowest. It is very obvious you have put quite a bit of time and effort and if they don't get that - so be it let them move on! (((Hugs))) Patty

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  36. I am blown away how people can be. Shake their dust off your feet and walk away. You shared a huge amount of information gained through trial and error in your tutorial. You are nothing but encouraging about the patinas and how to use them. I was thrilled with all the info. Please don't dwell on them - they don't deserve it.

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  37. I will use the word entitled a different way. You are entitled to be paid for you work. You are entitled to set a fair price. You are entitled to be treated in a courteous and respectful manner.

    I just hope the chain class is close enough for me to attend!!

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  38. A fantastic post!

    To those (thankfully few) who have left such nasty comments - it is not that you ask for extra information - it is the WAY YOU ASK. And do you say thank you afterwards?

    I never expect to be thanked after writing long replies to emails asking for extra information, but it is sad how few people forget their manners.

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  39. I just came across your blog and think this is such a wonderfully thoughtful post. I also make jewelry and am irritated when some people have an expectation that I should be willing to tell them where I get my supplies and how I achieve certain effects when they are not at all interested in signing up for one of my workshops. I find these people to be lazy and uninspired and tell them that they will enjoy the journey of learning just like I have.

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  40. You get hugs and smiley faces from me.

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  41. I SO agree with Charlene ..."I will use the word entitled a different way. You are entitled to be paid for you work. You are entitled to set a fair price. You are entitled to be treated in a courteous and respectful manner."
    Shannon, you have such a kind, wonderful, and generous spirit. After buying your beautiful patinated work, I was AMAZED and THRILLED with the prospect that would tell me HOW to do it. It never occurred to me not to buy the tutorial..... It just makes sense. Please don't let a few nasty comments ruffle your beautiful feathers. Everyone is entitled to an opinion..... but you sure don't have to listen to it or agree with it. Much love...

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  42. I don't know why I haven't been following your blog until now!

    You are generous to share your information and to offer your tutorials at whatever price you deem necessary. As a person of extremely limited means, I haven't been able to afford your tutorial, but I have seen firsthand the awesome results others have achieved using your tutorial. I would never expect you to give that information away for free. As you said, it is the result of several years of research and trial and error. Many pay thousands of dollars in college tuition to understand the techniques you're teaching in your tutorial. I know, because I did :)

    I'm sick and tired of all these, as was well-stated, entitled people thinking that they can get whatever they want by bullying and verbally harassing those who have worked hard to develop a technique, a craft, or following. And I applaud you for standing up for yourself.

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Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my blog, it means a lot to me.
Shannon