Wednesday, November 30, 2011

A New Directive

I am stronger than I know.

Okay, so I am sharing this here with my friends, some of you already know as I have had to seek counsel from other women who have gone through similar situations. After reading Crucial Confrontations, I believe that silence is the worst thing to withdraw to.
They say (the authors of this fantastic book) that we often choose silence over crucial confrontations because we are fearful of repercussions, when the repercussions are actually less damaging then the damage silence itself does.

Mr.Lovey has left Miss.Fickle.
Yes, it was very sudden and I am still reeling.

I was in it for life.
I was prepared to care for him whether he was fit and healthy or overweight and sick. 
I'm pretty sure I proved that.
I do not know if he ended up just having some mid-life crisis, a chemical reaction to meds, or a break down from the guilt of betrayal but it went so badly so quickly all I can do is protect myself, grieve and move on.
In spite of all he has done, I hope he gets help for himself so he can be reunited with his kids.
In the meantime I have to provide for these kiddos.

My Plan;
I am setting up shop on Big Cartel so I can pay off my etsy bill.
I am getting counseling for the kids and I.
I am living with my parents so I can earn a lump sum of money to provide housing for the kids and I.
I am getting advice from a financial adviser to rebuild my business correctly.
I am working on my OWN credit score after being a pizza delivery girl, a stay at home mom and then an online entrepreneur for the last 15 years.
I am lonely and heartsick but I know I have value and I am capable of abundant, faithful love.
So I don't want you to worry. 
However, I can't seem to pick up the phone and reach out to people, so please keep sending me emails. I am using them to get each day going.
Much Love & respect,
Shannon

57 comments:

  1. You are strong and courageous, dedicated and hard-working, you are an amazing mom, woman and entrepreneur. You will make it through to the other side of this Shannon, I believe it. You have good, solid plans in place to move you forward to a positive place. You are generous and that generosity will come back to you ten-fold.

    Please take care of yourself through this. Sending light, love and a big cyber hug to you and the kids.

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  2. you can love people from a distance where they cannot affect you negatively anymore... we cannot help who we love, but we can make choices about how to handle the feelings...
    i am so very very proud of you... you are an intelligent beautiful woman...
    now ready, set, go!

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  3. Hang in there, you are doing ALL the right things. Know that you are loved and respected by many, many people.

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  4. holy Crap! Lady.... You are strong, so pretty, so talented. You will triumph! Your work is amazing. You will find someone who will love and support you in all the ways that you need...Read “The Secret”...and when your mind starts to focus on the neg...turn it around right away to positive. I have been doing this and wow it does work. You are amazing..this will work out for the best...trust that.

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  5. WOW Shannon, sounds like you've to the right attitude about what you need to do. Be strong my friend!

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  6. I wondered where you have been. You're a strong woman. Good for you to have found the strength to stand up to him. You've done so much for him, and stood by him when he needed you the most, and even when he was draining your bank accounts and your energy.

    I will pray that your financial situation improves, and that you and your family can begin to heal, and move forward with your new life.

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  7. So sorry to hear this.
    I hope that everything works out. You are beautiful, Shannon. Good thinks will come to you.

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  8. Oh Shannon! I am so very sorry to read this. You are being so strong. I do not know quite what to write, I just feel that I must say something. Sending as much hope and positive thoughts from across the pond to you and the children as I can.
    Pippa

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  9. Stand Strong! I am a strong believer that God never gives us more than we can handle!
    We love you, and we are there for you.
    Your friend
    Marie

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  10. Thank you so much for using your energy (which I'm sure is extra precious right now!) to update us all. Reaching out is the right thing to do for yourself! Letting others help carry the load, even if it's just that they KNOW, makes such a difference. It's such a disappointment when someone we love and give ourselves to doesn't have the capacity to recognize the preciousness of what we're giving them. You are a true gem, and you went above and beyond. You deserve so, SO much better.

    I think we all believe in you utterly, that you will rebuild yourself and your family, whether as a single mother or otherwise. We'll be with you all the way!

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  11. I'm so sorry Shannon.....things do get better, I know from experience....Be strong.....for what its worth, I am sending warm positive healing thoughts your way...and do keep on reaching out, keeping silent isn't good for you

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  12. TY for ur honesty & openess! I did email u personally, and just know that a locale SB Artisan is thinking good thought, prayers and sending luv ur way.
    Plz take care of yourself & TY again for letting me get to know you better!
    Shanti

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  13. Shannon, I don't really know you...but I can't help but want to tell you straight away how sorry I feel for you and your children and that you are going through all of this.You sound like a strong, capable person and I know you will pull it together.
    Good to hear you have support from parents and are getting financial advice.
    Love and hugs. jenni

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  14. I am so sorry to read this! You are such an amazingly talented, strong, beautiful woman. You will do this! You will succeed!

    I will keep you all in my heart!

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  15. Wow...i don't know you but my heart is hurting for you. (Came across your blog from Lori's BSBP.) As a woman, I know what it's like to give my all to someone only to have it not be reciprocated. But yes, you are strong! Look at all that you have accomplished and draw strength from that. You are in my thoughts.

    -Anitra

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  16. Shannon, my BFF is also going thru a similar difficult time, so I understand from an empathetic point of view. Don't let his words get to you, you know the truth. Continue to be as honest, yet kind about him as possible to your kids, they will see the truth for themselves. Know there will still be people who pray for you to have the strength and sense of humor to make it thru each day (yes, humor in any form helps). It can all be done, just as you envision. Don't let the inevitable moments of depression linger or cause you to doubt that you WILL make it thru. There really is a light at the end of the tunnel (and, no, it's not a train!)

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  17. So sorry for the pain you're going through. I have an understanding of it, because I work for a divorce attorney and I see it every day. I'm grateful I haven't had to experience it personally.

    Here is the only useful advice I can give you: when it all seems to be closing in on you, when panic is near, when it all seems to be hopeless and endless, remember that you have to solve only today's problems today. The others will wait. They probably won't get worse, but if they do, you'll figure out how to handle them when you need to. They might get better before you have to handle them at all, and some actually will go away on their own. Focus on today, and if that's too hard, just start putting one foot in front of the other, and you will get there. Move forward one step and keep breathing.

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  18. Shannon, I am so very sorry to read this blog. It made cry to think how you struggled to be so supportive and now to face this huge abuse of your laove and marriage. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. It was very brave of you to step forward. You have incredible strength and are taking affirmative steps. Good for you...one day at a time. Know there are so many people who care about you from afar.

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  19. Shannon, It is heart breaking to hear this news, but you will make it I know, I speak from experience.
    Therese

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  20. We love you and are sending you good mojo. Again you show how strong and honest you are.

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  21. I am an asshole, I wish I felt differently about myself everyday. I can't change the way I feel so the sooner I get sick and leave this world, the sooner no one has to think about what an asshole I am. Please remember me for who I was before I became the asshole in your life. You might have smiled once or twice I think. I am sorry to all your friends whom I really enjoyed working with. I hope everyone has a great life and I appreciate the support they give to the people whom I have been so neglectful of. Leaving you was my choice and I have to pay the consequences for my actions, but your life will be so much better with out me in it. I never meant to say hurtful things. If I did then I am sorry, again. I don't say negative things about you and never have. Don't waste your time praying for me, pray for someone who isn't an asshole. I will not be a burden to you or the kids ever again.

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  22. Shannon,
    My husband of 24 years left me for another woman. I know how devastating it is and I completely understand how you are feeling. I did not want to get out of bed much less go to work. I could not concentrate. I cried all the time. Hang on and do whatever it takes to be strong. Fight for what you deserve. I hope you can find slivers of peace for the time being. You just have to walk in the pain for a while and it is never easy. Stay strong.

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  23. WTF! I wouldn't wish this on anyone and am heartsick for you. You are a dynamic and supremely talented woman and you will rise and flourish ... no doubt, no questions, truth. Know that I am sending enormous amounts of love and support and am there for you in any way I might be able to help.
    prayers and blessings ......

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  24. Seven years ago I had something similar happen to me after I had supported my husband while he was finishing up his Ph.D. and then I moved with him nearly 1,000 miles away - giving up a great job, a house I had purchased on my own and buying a new house for the two of us. We did lots of marriage counseling, but it turns out he was not truthful in session or at home. The initial shock for me was the worst part.

    I'm so glad to hear that you have family near you. You and your family will be in my thoughts...and don't let that guy get his hands on the biz!

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  25. Oh Shan I am so proud of you!!! You are one strong amazing woman! xoxoxo - K

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  26. I'm coming out of lurkdom to say how very sorry I am to hear what's happened. It's reassuring that you have support from friends and family and that you're remaking a new life for yourself and children. I'm positive the online beading community will rally around with their support and concern, and I hope this will go some way to alleviate a fraction of the pain and loneliness you're feeling. We know you have value. Take care and keep well.

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  27. God Bless you, Shannon. I've been there and know how much it hurts and how life-changing it is. You are smart and lovely and talented and worthy of love. And you have many people who support you in prayer and thought.

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  28. Hey Shannon...wow, just wanted to say, I am thinking of you and your sweet kids. You are so talented and inspirational. I know you will find the strength to work through this for them and yourself. I am saddened to think of the heartfelt posts you wrote regarding your love and concern for him and his illness. Sending you loads of prayers and hugs. You are a rock!

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  29. Shannon, I am sending you so much love, prayers, encouragement! Kudos to you for choosing positiveness, strength, honor, courage, nurturing. I've been in your shoes (1990 my first husband left me for another woman after 14 years of marriage)and I am so proud of the plans you've written here. I'll keep praying. My life is amazing now, but I had valleys and challenges. You ARE stronger than you know. You and your children deserve the best.

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  30. *delurking*

    Went through something similar myself nearly ten years ago. It does get better, because you are strong enough to make it better! Hang in there and know that you've got people you don't usually hear from on your side.

    *relurking*

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  31. Oh Shannon...my heart breaks for you. I have been right where you are (and am still working on recovering from it). Faith, Family and Friends WILL get you through it! A good attorney and a good therapist help, too!!

    You have my e-mail address if you need to talk...I'm so there for you! You're in my thoughts and prayers!!

    KJ

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  32. Shannon my heart goes out to you. I will support you in what ever way I can. I posted a couple of weeks ago about your Bangle tutorial but your Etsy Shop was down. Now I can re-post and send people your way.
    Stand strong, cry, regroup, and know you have cyber friends to lean on!

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  33. Wow. I'm so sorry your life is in such turmoil Stay strong!

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  34. Oh, Shannon, thank you so much for having the strength to share your sadness with us! My heart goes out to you and I wish I could hug you and just listen. I know you will be alright because you ARE strong but I also know there will be some very hard times. I'm so glad you have supportive parents! You are so talented I know you will be able to do what you have to do for you and your children. And since you can't seem to pick up the phone and call, please keep reaching out to us online.

    All my best wishes, Mary

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  35. Shannon, You are a fine and courageous woman. I want you to know that I am thinking of you and sending you my caring thoughts.

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  36. You've been busy in the last week. :) The Big Cartel shop looks great! I'm very proud of the strength you are showing for your family. Please give Christian and Pinky a hug from us and Trouble.

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  37. Oh Miss Shannon it is so nice to see that beautiful face...i have been so worried about you but not sure how and where to check in after Mike answered that convo...don't ever ever think you did anything to deserve this happening to you...be strong and hold you head high...you will get through this and come out strong... and from what i can tell have a lot of supportive friends...we will be here to support your new business whenever you get it up and running i'll be the first in line...take care of yourself and those beautiful kidlets and i'll be here for you whenever you need a friend ok...take care ttfn Lana xoxo

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  38. I hardly ever say this, but You. Go., Girl! Sounds like you reached out to some excellent resources to keep your life going. You will definitely make it up that hill you're climbing!

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  39. Oh Honey,that's so sad your Mr. couldn't see that he had a wonderful life, that you had his back thru everything..that's hard to come by..foolish guy..i'm being nice here, cause that's not the name i'm thinkin'.
    naturally it's a gut blow to discover falseness in someone you gave your heart to..
    however..you are on the right road by getting your "house" in order, those money and business worries will fall away before long and other doors will open ..you've got our support.

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  40. shannie, you can do anything. i am sure that you will find new love and resources to heal from all of your legions of fans and friends. if you need anything, i am here for you if you need anything i can provide. i really just want to stare mr. down and let him see the anger roil out of me. i know that sometimes when people have chronic illnesses, their head follows where their bodies go. nothing anyone can do about that... even you, my superwoman friend.
    love to you and your chitlets. xoxoxo.w.

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  41. We've already chatted - you know I'm sending out positive thoughts and vibes and big hugs to you and the kiddos!!

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  42. Shannon I am so sorry you are going through this. I don't know you but my heart is still hurting for you and your kids. I'm glad to know that your parents are supporting you, and of course you will have tons of support from your friends and the beading community to get you through this. Hang in and remember that you really are stronger than you know. Hugs to you and the kids.
    Blessed Be

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  43. Hey Shannon: My heart goes out to you. I like your perspective and how you chose to honor yourself and move forward in spite of this unfortunate turn. You have opened your own door to a world of new possibilities. Sending you love and light.

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  44. Shannon, I have been reading your blog for a while now and I have just always admired what an amazing warm and loyal person you are. Now, now I realize just how strong you are and admire you even more. I am sending many big hugs, prayers, and good thoughts your way. You can do this. I know you can. And we are all here for you if you need us.
    ~Jennifer (mysoulsfire@hotmail.com)

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  45. Shannon,
    We've never met but I follow your blog and love your work. Please don't give up. You and your kids are more than him. You will heal in time- please have faith in yourself despite the devastating losses, hurt and disappointment you're dealing with. You can get beyond him/this with time. keep creating-
    Sending support and admiration-
    Shelley K., Pawtucket, RI

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  46. You are doing all the right things!! Keep on doing them. And try to find something just for you that you can do regularly. Your parents are there, good! Then you have some help. Keep in touch with old friends who you know want your very best. My mother in law calls them "self-chosen-family".

    All the best!!!!!!!

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  47. mary - sullivandoyle at msn dot comDecember 2, 2011 at 10:34 AM

    Oh, Shannon - we've never talked but when I saw your fb status as "separated" I was worried and felt so sad.

    You are so wise to reach out - when it happened to me I was so devastated, embarrassed, in denial, not wanting people to think less of him if we got back together, etc that I went underground.

    You are so creative, kind, hard-working, responsible, and have such a fantastic online presence - as someone said above, "you will triumph"!

    no offense to the mr. up there, but mine too was all hair-shirt and so sorry - one of the most shocking things for me aside from the betrayal was finding out how much less a person he was than i'd thought and how much stronger a person i was than him.

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  48. Your amazing strength is shining through .... persevere :-) You CAN....and you will shine!

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  49. Miss Shannon, others are saying that they are sorry. I am not. I am joyful for you and happy that first you realized that this was not right and you didn't retreat and go into hiding, second that you took matters into your own hands and recognized what is good for your kids and for yourself, and third that you are seeking the help you and the kids need surrounded by those who love you like your parents and this very real virtual community that cares about you deeply.

    I am more than a bit disturbed by the comment from "missficklemedia" above, that is obviously from Mike. And if you are reading this Mike, I am praying for you, too. I pray that you can find the help that you need, too. Life is too beautiful and precious to waste.

    We are defined by the choices that we make and it is clear, Miss Shannon that you are making the right ones, even if they are tough. You are a beautiful and courageous woman. You will get through this stronger and more resilient. And I am here for you if you need me.

    If ever there was a case for my tagline, this is it...

    "Every day may not be good, but there is something good in every day."

    Find your 'something good' each day, Miss Shan!

    xo
    Erin

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  50. Shannon,

    I just wanted to let you know that Lisa and I are thinking about you and the kids, and we miss you. We know you will get through this difficult time - stay strong!

    Love,
    Mark, Lisa, and of course Cooper too

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  51. I am so sorry that you have had to go through this, but I truly believe you will discover new and wonderful things/gifts about yourself, and will come out an even stronger more amazing person because of it. I went through a similar situation several years ago with my then husband abruptly deciding he didn't want to be married and leaving me. And although it was probably one of the most difficult and scary things I ever went through, it was also the most freeing and allowed me to be a me instead of a we, and re-discover who that was and what I wanted. I am utterly grateful that things happened the way they did. Just trust that all will be ok, and know that you are an amazing woman with unlimited potential! You will love and be loved again. All is well. Peace and love, Kari

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  52. I am so sorry to hear this news. I have been through a similar situation in my past marraige and have bee separated and divorced for 7 years now. THe most important thing, of course, is our chldren. I have read enough on your blog posts toknow you are an incredible loving mother. My children are my world, and although they were a little older than are now and I am older than you, I can tell you that my kids have thrived wonderfully throughout this transition and are now two bright, happy well-adjusted teenagers any parent would be proud of. And I am. But do not forget to take care of yourself too. It is possible to do both- take care of the kids AND yourself. And it is important because doing so gives them an awesome role model. And actions really do speak louder than words- especially to our kids. WIll say a prayer for you and you will remain in my thoughts. Keep the blog posts coming. We are here for you.
    Rosemarie

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  53. You are amazing! Any woman that does this to another woman with children looses her card. Absolutely disgusting. We are all here for you - your spirit shines through and this will be you past - You have much more to look foward to! XOXO, Patty

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  54. Shannon, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I did, too, many years ago. It was a bitch but in the end my life was much better after than when I was in that marriage. I feel certain, given what I know about you, that your resilience and hard work and the love for your kids will pull you through this stronger than ever. And I agree with what Patty said just above me. Many wishes for your happiness come with this comment!

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  55. You are such an amazing strong woman to have got through so much already, and you will get through this too. Just take it one day at a time, and you'll get there.

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  56. Shannon you will make it! Time time time woman. Tho your walk is so very painful each week will be a little better each month because it all is behind you. We are all so here for you! I agree with Patty you have so much to look forward to!! xox

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  57. Shannon, it seems that many people have gone through what you are going through. I myself am divorced, by my choice, but because of similar reasons. I got cancer and decided life was too short to live with a jerk. I know you are strong because you have kids and that's what you have to be. And face it, we have to get up each and every morning, even though we may not feel like it. I do know this, being broken up over a year from the relationship that I was in right after my divorce (a relationship that lasted 5 1/2 years and I thought was the next marriage) - I will never be in a position where I count on or depend on anyone else but myself from now on, and you shoudl think about that in your life too. Sure, it's great to have the company of a great man (and I now do too for over a year) but it's too hard to let yourself go to the point that you would ever be in this position again. Just some words of wisdom to think about. We are strong enough to do it ourselves and we do it every day! I'm thinking about you too!

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Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my blog, it means a lot to me.
Shannon