You know what I am about. What I have always been about.
See my labels word cloud down there on the side bar? ---------------->
The largest label is FAMILY.
What do I do now?
Who do I love?
Who do my kids look up to?
How will I ever feel complete again?
I'm so sorry for turning what was once an inspirational blog full of encouragement, ideas and lovely visuals into sordidness.
Reading words like "Penis" and "Vagina" are not why you come here and I am really embarrassed.
If I could explain that I thought he was saying his sweet words to me, about a picture of me before I realized he was sending them to her, and that in spite of what he has done, I felt HOPE. As if he wanted me again and was reaching out to me. Then to see it was not meant for me but someone else, it was devastation all over again. And the pain of rejection came rushing back anew.
It caused a character defect of hate and jealousy.
I know time will help this confusion. I know my friends are rallying around me.
I know I will smile and laugh with my children again.
I know I will create again.
Thank you for understanding and forgiving me.
Much Love & Respect,
Shannon
Never doubted for a minute - we do know you Shannon for the lovely person that you are, and how much you love your family above all else. Much love xoxoxo - K
ReplyDelete((hugs)) Apologies are totally accepted (although certainly not needed from my point of view). You are human and you hurt, just as any of us would in your position. I'm so sorry you're going through this pain right now. :( I've only been following your blog for a relatively short while. But I read the pain in your post the other day and wanted to say something then. I didn't because I don't 'know' you, and you don't know me and I didn't want to appear to be poking my nose into your business. But I'm saying it now anyway: please accept heartfelt and genuine (cyber)hugs from me. Because I recognise that pain. I've felt it before myself (a long time ago) and it's horrific. :( Sending strength and healing vibes your way. Time DOES heal, but at times like these, it goes too slowly for comfort as I remember. I'm sure you have very good friends and family to support you. Just know you also have fans of your blog who like you, even though we don't really 'know' you. And we are thinking of you and willing good things come to help you through to happy times again as soon as possible.
ReplyDeleteYou are human and hurting, and its understood. Hang in there and enjoy those beautiful children.
ReplyDeleteYou and your little ones are beautiful. Nothing else matters. If I can help, just ask.
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to add - it's nice to know that there's a real live human being at the other side of the screen. :)
ReplyDeleteShannon,
ReplyDeleteI know we have not met, but I have been following your blog for quite some time and am a great admirer of your work, so I feel like I almost know you. I just wanted to tell you not to feel bad about sharing your feelings here on YOUR blog, you have been very brave sharing with us what has been happening in your life, and I believe most of us can relate (I know I can, very similar to the story of what happened with my ex-husband.) We are here for you, we support you, and we are here to remind you how amazingly beautiful, talented, and strong you are (in case you forget!) What you are going through is devastating, but you will survive and eventually thrive and love and be loved again. Believe that, and know that once you have healed, love will find you again. So, there's my two cents, hope I am not overstepping in writing this to you, it's just I can so relate to what you are going through right now and wanted to let you know things will get better! I promise :)
You should NOT be embarrassed. We are here for you. And you know I am one of those bloggers who writes it like I feel it (as in today!) and I've been told by more than I few that I shouldn't, but it's me. And I care and think about you every day.
ReplyDeleteOh, sweet thing, there is no need for apology or embarassment, or any of those sorts of things. You will create and you are inspiring. You will heal, you will laugh, you will love.
ReplyDeleteYour post brought tears to my eyes. Just know that healing is a process, with fits and starts (and out-of-the-blue lightning bolts) along the way. But it does get better. With time.
ReplyDeleteBig giant hugs from someone who doesn't even really know you, but cares.
Laurel
Anger and hurt are normal emotions! Especially when we are betrayed and disappointed so deeply by one so loved and trusted. To hold it inside too long or too often makes us sick. I'm glad you understood you could say anything to us and we'd understand. I feel angry and hurt for you! I also hope that you are continuing to express those things when you need to, in trusted venues where your "soft spots" can be revealed in safety without giving access to someone who might wish you ill. I've certainly never felt offended by anything you've shared, and only hope for you to be safe from more hurt and harm. I believe with you that you will be happy and whole again!
ReplyDeleteShannon,
ReplyDeleteWe all have hate and jealousy within us that can surface at any time.... Fortunately, most of us, like you, keep those bottled until those moments where the pain takes over. I'm sure your pain was excruciating. This post is inspirational and and full of encouragement for others who may be experiencing similar difficulties... :o) MaryAnn
Dear Shan:
ReplyDeleteI adore you and know you so well. You are in my heart every day, as are your children. You are extraordinarily strong and you have strong feelings too, because you are a real person. Real people need no forgiveness. No one judges you. We walk with you and hold your hands in ours. I love you, sweet Shan. jean xox
Just tell it like it is, you need to shout out the pain in order to heal. Betrayal is the absolute worst experience and you need time to nurture and be kind to yourself, you've done nothing wrong. Take care.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm yet another reader who cares! Focus on your darling children right now -- you all need each other. It's clear you have a lot of people that love and support you. It might not feel like much, but you're not alone. And I don't have to tell you how therapeutic art can be. I hope you can find some solace in your work too.
ReplyDeletexo
i know you to be a heartfelt and gifted artist. a mom extraordinaire. a good egg with a tender center. and much much more. if you need to say things that you might not ordinarily, no one could fault you. the rug has been yanked out from under your feet. the fall is full of hurt, but i know you will be up and running lickety split. if you need anything... just say the word.
ReplyDeletexoxo.w.
Now we have the whole story about the photo! How devastating to momentarily have that hope that any of us would've had in the same position! You deserve to be able to spew forth, and now you're moving ahead! Glad to see you back on FB and blogging again. You're right where you should be, in the midst of your loving support group!
ReplyDeleteNo apologies. I can't imagine this hurt and betrayal without having reactions of anger and jealousy. My heart goes out to you AND your kids as you make your way to a new stability and life. You have a fabulous group of friends rallying around you, which is a great testament to your own character and that we all know what you're about.
ReplyDeleteAw, Shannon, please don't ever apologize or feel embarrassed for what you put in your space. It is yours. We are here for you. We care. We want to support you through the good times and the bad. Sending many hugs and good thoughts your way!
ReplyDeleteSending cyber hugs and wishes for healing and inner peace.
ReplyDeleteSweetheart, you are beauty and light. There is such goodness in those happy, smiling faces. The best thing about having friends is that you don't have to apologize. You are human. You are in a place that seems dark and dismal, but you are going to get through this. You are strong. You are a fighter. You are an inspiration and a creator. Know that you are a thought of very highly by so many. We are praying for you, for all of you. And if you need us we will be there.
ReplyDeleteFind your 'something good' today.
Erin xox
We understand and love you. No need to apologize for saying how you really feel. Moments can be difficult and you need to purge the bad. We are here to listen <3
ReplyDeleteWe are all here for you, no matter what. No need for apologies. I wish I could give the 3 of you a big long hug. Although you dont know me personally, I have always loved reading your blog and LOVE your work! Hard times or happy, it is my honor to know and follow you.
ReplyDeleteYou and your children are the very essence of love and family. Cling to that and to them and hold on tight. They need you and you need them. Kids love us unconditionally. Thank god for that!
Rosemarie
No need to feel embarassed-you're human and you're allowed to feel pain and rage. I'm thinking of you every day and hoping all will be better soon.
ReplyDeleteGood heavens-
ReplyDeleteI miss a day...and I feel as though I've abandoned you! Yesterday I checked the blog and all of November's postings were gone.
We will ALWAYS support you. Always listen to you! We are your sisters.
Apologies not required.
Ohh Shannon stay strong as you can possible be right now. Your pain must be imaginable. My heart sooo goes out to you! But you CAN do this and get thru this. ONE day at a time! The Lord is very close in time of Trouble! Now its time for you and the kids! Shanno TIME will wash everything a new..time time time! I love you Shannon oxxx
ReplyDeleteWhat do I do now? You carry on
ReplyDeleteWho do I love? Your children (wow they look so much like you)
Who do my kids look up to? YOU, a beautiful strong woman who will always put them first, because thats what mums do
How will I ever feel complete again? Time every thing takes time.
You have so many people wishing you well and sending positive thoughts your way, you deserve so much better and in time (that dreaded word) you will get it. Stay strong xxx
No apologies needed. Jealousy and hate are human emotions and we all have them at times. Sometimes the power behind those emotions can even turn into something positive. Don't feel like you shouldn't be feeling these things. It's normal.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I wanted to say in response to this - who will your children look up to? Why, you of course! You are awesome and proving to them right now (as if they didn't know this) that you love them beyond anything and are a strong and amazing person, despite what has happened n My sister and I no longer have much of a relationship with our dad, and this is our choice (not his, other than that he chose to act in such a despicable manner to our mum and therfore us). I'm going to be honest - I miss the person I thought my dad was before he left; nwe both do, but the person he turned out to be....not so much. Being a sine parent isn't what anyone dreams of but don't feel you are not enough for your children because you are.
Much love x x x
He must be blind because you are BEAUTIFUL
ReplyDeletehttp://leeyaengel.blogspot.com/
Oh Shannon, no need for apologizes. It was a human reaction and I can totally relate to it. And as I wrote before, I've been to that place you are right now. Believe me at the very end you will find the man who deserves you. Sending you virtual hugs!
ReplyDeleteI am behind you 100%. No need for an apology. You will heal and create and always inspire.
ReplyDeleteHang in there Shannon, it takes some time but the other side is much better place!
ReplyDeleteWhen one hurts that bad, everything becomes a blur. Being angry and hurt is human and natural!! (You wouldn't believe the things I've said when angry)
ReplyDeleteKeep up your good work and take care of yourself and your cute, wonderful children. I hope you get plenty of encouragement and practical help with everyday things from your family. Please try to take a litte you-time if you find the energy for it. Enjoy a facial for your beautiful face:)? Tea with a good friend with plenty of time to talk?
And I second SummersStudio!!
ReplyDeleteApologies not needed! Just do what you need to do to get through each day. Who am I to judge what you say or do? I am not going through what you are, so how could I ever know what it feels like? Sending you hugs. Keep being brave xxx
ReplyDeleteYou are hurt. You may express your feelings. That's what I think.
ReplyDeleteLove and hugs,
Malin
no apologies necessary - though your doing so demonstrates the gentle, thoughtful side of you... you are deeply feeling human... and that kind of pain is devastating... i understand the desire for hope... your glimmer of light will come from other places - but will start with you and the kids... and turn into a big beaming beacon...
ReplyDeleteOh Shannon! So sorry to hear of your situation. I read Crucial Confrontations too - it is a great book full of lots of good information. I'm sending you love and support!
ReplyDeletePlease, sweetie, no need to apologize, or feel embarrassed. I know the pain you are experiencing, and the million other emotions that swirl around in your head like a tornado--sometimes so quickly that you don't even recognize them.
ReplyDeleteYou've been through a lot, and it will take a lot of time to get through it. Talk it over with people you trust. Keep talking. Keep hugging your kids. Keep doing the dishes, laundry, and all the normal day to day stuff. And remember, we are all thinking about you, and praying for you.
Dear Friend you do not have to apologize to me EVER! I know you were so hurt you had to get it out and you did. I am truly lucky that you felt safe enough with us to share this most personal and devastating part of your life.
ReplyDeleteYou are an amazing woman and you need to know I am here for you always!
Hugs
Shannon, Bless your heart. No need for angst over your post as you were deeply hurt, betrayed, angry and jealous. You vented your honest feelings in a safe place. Some of us have never met you but feel a deep bond. We are rooting for you and your precious children. Hope is a human emotion especially when love is a factor. When it is dashed, the pain is deep. Sending positive energy to you. One moment, one breath at a time.
ReplyDeleteI'm lost for words... I don't know you but if I could I'd give you a big sisterly hug... hold on... and hold on to your creativity... don't let it go... it needs you and you need it...
ReplyDeleteHere is my 2 cents (worth probably less than that).
ReplyDeleteWhat do I do now?
Whatever you want, whenever you want. And you do it one breath, one heartbeat at a time.
Who do I love?
Yourself first and foremost! And of course those cuties in the pic with you.
Who do my kids look up to?
YOU, YOU, YOU, always and forever, YOU. They are smart enough to hitch their wagons to the brightest of stars and follow the one who loves them the most.
How will I ever feel complete again?
It will come. It will feel different, though. You have the power to decide what "complete" is for you.
Thinking of you and sending you positive energy.
Denise
No need to apologize for anything. You just stay strong and keep doing what is best for you and your kids. I am praying for you.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry about your heartbreak from someone who's been there. If you ever need to talk or cry on a shoulder I'm here for you.
ReplyDeleteNancy
You don't need to apologize or be embarrassed, for being human. If it helps to get it out, then let it out. Everyone that reads your blog does so because we are interested in you - the complete you. So, we'll be cheering you on in your triumphs, and consoling you in your sorrows. Heal at your own pace, and don't worry about us - we'll be here.
ReplyDeleteYou & your kids are beautiful in the photo! You are lucky, in many ways!
Please don't be embarassed! This is your blog, and you obviously needed to vent!
ReplyDeleteI sure do feel like I know you because of all you share on your blog. I thought your recent posts were really quite eloquent considering what I gather of the situation. I always think, when someone shares deep raw emotion, wow, they are so brave to let the real them show. I can't imagine what you are going through, and how difficult it is to have your own pain compounded by your children's pain. Sounds like it just sucks, big time, and really what can you do, but just keep on going. Keep that head held high, you are indeed stronger than you know.
ReplyDeleteDelurking to send healing, positive and supporting vibes you way, as well as strength.
ReplyDeleteThis is not your fault. Remember that. Also remember that you are an amazing, wonderful, strong woman and the loving mother of two beautiful children who think the world of you. You will get over this and you will do so by putting one foot in front of the other and going from moment to moment. As those moments add up to days and then longer periods of time, you will heal and move past the hurt, building your strength and living your life in love and beauty. It will be so because you make it so.
*hugs*
No apologies necessary! Please, vent, get it out. To keep it in would make you sick. You are a strong, beautiful woman! You can do this, you and your children. You will come through this tunnel into the sunshine all together.
ReplyDeleteI'm just one voice among your throng of supporters, wishing i could think of something truly helpful to say. you've always struck me as to most together, professional person in all of craftblogland- it's ok to leave all that aside for a while and be your self no matter how angry and upset that self is right now. we have anger and hate for a reason- they protect us from terrible things sometimes. sometimes they can guide us through unbearable pain.
ReplyDeleteYou have your health and two beautiful healthy children. You will rise above this for them. YOU WILL!
ReplyDelete